A post-birthday post. (But not really?)

A couple of days ago, on 6 July, I turned 25.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared or apprehensive or worried in my life.

With the time I have on my hands, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about.. many things. Sometimes the thoughts are mundane – like what should I do with my hair today (the answer is almost always just ‘tie it all up in a bun and get it over with’), other times the thoughts are somewhat existential – like why the hell am I still trying to figure out my life when a lot of my peers already have theirs together. I don’t know why I’m struggling so hard to find what I want and where I fit in. It’s really difficult for me to even consider thinking about my future when my present’s still so messed up.

For a while now (I don’t remember how long it’s been, I think it’s been many months), I feel as if I don’t have any motivation or drive to do anything. I feel so uninspired. I feel, to put it generally. tired. Tired of life, I think. Tired of living? Maybe it’s early onset depression or something. I don’t really know. Depression isn’t something to be taken lightly, but I’m not dismissing it because I really feel as if there’s a dark cloud looming over me. Something like that.

I mean I know I like makeup, and writing about makeup. But my writing isn’t really to the point that I can really make a living out of it yet, do you know what I mean? I’ve always written for myself and I’ve always written about the things that I like, but I really don’t think my awkwardly informal writing can really do much.

Honestly I think I’m lost. Continue reading “A post-birthday post. (But not really?)”

A leap day announcement!

Hello, friends! ­čÖé This’ll just be short, don’t worry.

Tomorrow is the start of another month, and I’ve got something in store: I’ll be doing Lipsticks of the Week posts! Starting tomorrow, I’ll be wearing a different lipstick each work day and then compile everything in a post on the following Monday (my day off)!

This’ll be kind of a challenge for me since I rarely wear any makeup at work, but I’ll do my very best! I’ve already listed down all the lipsticks I own, and tonight I’ll be making a sort of schedule, just so I don’t have to really think of what to wear for the day. ^^;;┬áI’ll also be documenting it on my Instagram and Snapchat (both are marianner06)!

I hope you’ll all look forward to it, and please don’t hesitate to drop me a line on here or any of my social media accounts! ­čÖé

Have a lovely March ahead! xx

A bit of an explanation.

I owe it to my readers and friends why I haven’t been dishing out content lately – it’s because I’ve finally found a job┬áIt’s┬áin┬ásomething totally new to me – though something I’ve always wanted to try: the food and beverage industry!

My cousin encouraged me to apply for this new concept shop, basing its menu on sandwiches and sides; with specialty gin & tonics served in the evening. I suppose it’s difficult to really explain it without spilling the beans, but I’ll save it for when we have our grand opening! (We’re currently in a “super soft” opening as of Wednesday!)

To make it short, I’m one of the front-of-house staff for the shop. Because the place is quite smaller than conventional restaurants and bars, the position calls for several skill sets: so I’m not just a waitstaff and cashier, I’m also a barkeep, and a sundae maker! It might sound like menial work, but everything’s interesting to me. I don’t really drink anything more than beer or alcoholic mixers, so it’s nice to learn more about gin and tonics. (We had a training day dedicated to tasting different gins.. and needless to say, I got dizzy–) It’s also nice to learn about different sandwiches and sides. And it’s nice to learn, generally!

I’ll be working on a 4pm-1am shift, which means I will most likely be posting content at unholy hours (late at night, not early in the morning hahaha). I’ll try to squeeze in some product shoots (with matching selcas, because you know me–) around midday so the lighting will still be decent.

I hope you bear with me! And I’ll be sure to make an entry about the shop when we open!

Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a lovely day. xx


Hello, Yani!

Surprise! Sorry it took so long for me to work on your site. It’s been a pretty rough week for me. But your site is now up and ready. Just import your posts from the old site and tweak it. Love you! Bye! ^^

This was actually left for me by Angeli, one of my best friends, and also the lovely lady who helped me put up my website & domain! ^^ I owe her a lot, so I’m leaving her little surprise note as a way of showing her how much I appreciate the little bits of work she does for me – I know she’s ridiculously busy but I love her and I know she’ll always be here for me as I have always done for her. (She lives several hundred kilometers away from me.. and I’ve only met her for a short period of time so I really miss her :c Ugh!)

Working to find work.

I’ve been back in Manila for a little over a month and needless to say, it’s been pretty alright. A regular day consists of me doing a bit of housework, maybe cook up a bit of food, but generally just veg out, watch a few episodes of the shows I like to watch, and browse the Internet; among other things. I don’t have a specific set of goals as of the moment, but a pressing issue that’s taken priority┬áis to find a job. In fact, it’s what my older sister grills me about very often.┬áI’m getting tired of it, really. All the pressure she’s putting on me isn’t making things better – it’s actually making things worse.

For the past couple of┬áyears, I’ve really just felt empty. I don’t feel motivated to do anything, to pursue anything. And with that, it’s hard for me to really start anything; even more so finish anything.┬áAbove else, what I want to do is find what it is that I really want, what I really like, what I really feel passionate about. I feel that if I find that niche where I fit in, it would be easier for me to follow through and maybe actually finish something.. I mean if I feel lost, what’ll that mean for the things I decide to enter or seek to do, right?

I’ve been browsing through job sites and I’m definitely struggling to find something that really piques my interest or something that I feel would suit me. (Not only is it difficult to find that fit, but there’s all those qualifications and requirements like prior job experience and the like – I’m trying to find a job for experience, but I need experience to get a job? What’s that all about???) Personally, I don’t like being boxed in when to comes to how I do my work – which is one reason I felt somewhat suffocated when I was in law school. Because you’re expected to conform to specific formats and use jargon that isn’t simple┬ánor used in everyday conversation, it restricted me on how I viewed myself; how I could express myself. It took a toll on my┬ácreativity. It even went to the point where I was browsing through old creative work I did like short stories, essays, and fanfiction – and I barely recognized the person who wrote them. I felt like the life was sucked out of me, like I wasn’t myself at all. I missed the person I was when I wrote those creative work. Continue reading “Working to find work.”